4 Steps to Change and Transformation EP 35

[00:00:00] Shanenn Bryant: Change is an inevitable part of life and it's still something that I find myself having to coach myself on it all the time, depending on what type of change I might be going through. So, some change can really bring on some fear and discomfort for me. And then there's the change that I love; growth change, and when I learn something new or try something new, or my favorite one when I see something in a whole new way, I love that.

[00:00:36] Shanenn Bryant: I love that kind of change. And there are times when change brings a little bit of everything. Like you might have the discomfort in it and fear and growth, AND it might be exciting. That's where I am right now because there are some changes coming for you and for me with this podcast.

[00:00:59] Shanenn Bryant: And I'll share that with you just a little bit later in this episode, but first I want to talk more about change. You know that I love to talk about the brain and how the brain's wired, and it's this wiring that often makes change seem difficult and seem uncomfortable. Your brain seeks comfort, and so any deviation from our established habits can trigger these feelings of discomfort and resistance, which makes sense because change often requires you to let go of something that's familiar.

[00:01:41] Shanenn Bryant: Then, which of course generates your sense of loss or sense of uncertainty. This is why people break up and then get back together so much, or they break up and they still sleep together here and there. This uncertainty can keep you in a relationship for far too long because even though it sucks, it's familiar, you know what you're gonna get. So sometimes you just stay in the suck in, in a bad way. You know? I say stay in the suck to get you through an emotion, through discomfort. This is kind of a different "stay in the suck" altogether together.

[00:02:19] Shanenn Bryant: So sometimes we stay too long just because it's comfortable and it's familiar. Years, years ago, I was really going through a hard time and I had so much uncertainty in my life at that time. And looking back, it's almost funny, little bit sad, dash of little, like, oh, poor girl. Little pathetic.

[00:02:44] Shanenn Bryant: But for whatever reason like I started going back to all my exes and dating them. Like even a guy, not kidding from elementary school, who he always had a crush on me and I went all the way back to fourth grade friends, fourth grade, and dated him as an adult.

[00:03:10] Shanenn Bryant: I was re-dating people. I think I was just in search of comfortability or familiarity. You know, like so much change was going on my life, it was like a cartoon character where, change was trying to pull me in one direction, but I wasn't prepared, I wasn't ready, I didn't wanna do it.

[00:03:30] Shanenn Bryant: So I dug my heels in and as they pulled it was like deeper and deeper digging my heels into the ground. Like, I don't wanna go. I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna do it. That whole dating exes tour was just such a disaster. So just in case you ever find yourself considering riding that ride, take it from me and do not buy the ticket. Just skip it. 

[00:03:55] Shanenn Bryant: We fear the unknown and the potential risks of doing something different. We want that certainty that everything's gonna be okay or wondering, am I gonna like this new thing as well as I like the old thing or the old way? The new person, the new job, the new house, the new haircut, the new friend? And so all of that brings a lot of fear and discomfort. We don't like that uncertainty. But what if you had the self-belief that no matter what it was you have the tools and techniques to handle it, to be okay, to pivot again if you need to.

[00:04:42] Shanenn Bryant: What if you had that belief in your strength, in yourself that you've got this? Either way, doesn't matter. Because even though change can be daunting, it is fundamental for personal growth and for transformation. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right? Like you know that saying, if you always do what you've always done, you're always gonna get what you always got. Change helps to break free from looking at circumstances in the same way. 

[00:05:13] Shanenn Bryant: Embracing change allows you to discover your potential and to open doors to new experiences, broadens your perspective. Like I said, there's nothing more exciting for me than when something finally clicks like, ugh, I never even thought about that. Or, oh my, I never thought about it in that way. I've never heard it explained that way. Now I get it. Or, I never even considered that being a possibility. 

[00:05:49] Shanenn Bryant: Which is what happened to me recently, and I want to share that with you now before I move on to talk about some more thoughts around creating transformational change. So let me just go ahead and get it out there.

[00:06:03] Shanenn Bryant: I am constantly reading, researching, investing in my business and in myself to make improvements for you, to bring ideas, thoughts, and comfort to you through the podcast. So I started thinking about the name of the podcast, the topic of the podcast, and what is best for you.

[00:06:30] Shanenn Bryant: What would make it better for you? More valuable? Make you want to share it with your friends and help them too. And what I determined was that I need to make some changes. What I have learned through coaching clients, emails I receive, Clarity Call conversations that I have with other people, is that one, coaching on jealousy is a lot of mindset work.

[00:06:58] Shanenn Bryant: I mean, it's, it's mindset work and it has positive effects on all areas of your life. So not just the jealousy thing, you know, once you can take an initial negative thought and rework it in your mind, that doesn't just help you with jealousy. It can help you with other parts of your relationship, your professional life, your friendships, maybe your family.

[00:07:24] Shanenn Bryant: The way that you think about yourself is probably the biggest one. So, this work stretches far beyond just jealousy and insecurity in your relationship.

[00:07:40] Shanenn Bryant: And that there are many other things that could be beneficial to you that may enhance your overall life and your happiness. I know that there are other areas of growth that you're looking for and that perhaps even the name of this podcast can keep you stuck in your thinking and give you some permanence to this struggle.

[00:08:06] Shanenn Bryant: So, in just a few short weeks, the podcast is expanding a bit. We're getting a bit of a facelift, as I'm gonna call it, a fresh perspective, a fresh outlook, a fresh set of amazing experts, topics, wisdom, all the good stuff with a new name, Top Self. 

The name is about three years old. I had it trademarked a long time ago. Um, it's the name of my business, so those of you who coach with me, you've probably seen it on your receipts. But it came to me when I was thinking about what I've been through and my relationship with my dad and his drinking. It made me think of, you know, top shelf alcohol. Even though it's called Top Self. It just struck me as interesting. 

[00:09:04] Shanenn Bryant: But also, how growth seems to come in stages and levels. The transformation itself is immediate, but the growth part of it, kind of everything that we go through to get even that moment of transformation seems to come in stages or levels. But the biggest piece was realizing that you are the best thing that's ever happened to you.

[00:09:29] Shanenn Bryant: You can have people in your life that are great and that are great for you, but you are the best for you. You can make incredible things happen for yourself. Only you can change your habits. Only you can make so much magic happen in your life, and you can have faith in your strength and belief in yourself that you can make it through the rough times. 

[00:09:56] Shanenn Bryant: This helps when we're having that relationship scarcity. Um, I heard someone say it the other day and it just made me so sad of like, well, I don't want to end this because I'm afraid, you know, I'm afraid. that nobody else is going o be on the other end. And having that strength and believing in yourself, like, I am worthy of love. I'm worthy of good love, and you know what? I don't have to feel scarcity. 

[00:10:23] Shanenn Bryant: I'm going to make it through this uncomfortableness. I'm gonna make it through myself. I'm strong enough to do that. I have the tools and techniques to do that, and I'm gonna make it through the rough times of my own. So, this change of name and direction for the podcast, it comes at a perfect time in my life because I am also ready to stop focusing on the problem and start focusing on the solution.

[00:10:52] Shanenn Bryant: I'll still be talking about jealousy, so don't worry. but I'll also be talking about other topics that I hope will be helpful to you as well and will still help you overall with your anxiety, insecurity, and jealousy, but just in many other aspects of your life. 

[00:11:09] Shanenn Bryant: There's nothing that you need to do if you're already subscribed to the podcast. Soon you'll just see a new cover for the podcast, a new name that'll appear. But I'll remind you again before all that happens. And if you're not subscribed to the podcast, what's wrong with you?

[00:11:27] Shanenn Bryant: What are you doing? Go hit that plus button or that check mark, whatever you need to do, subscribe so that you don't have to search for it. It's just gonna automatically download. 

[00:11:38] Shanenn Bryant: So, I think this topic of change is really very fitting for today's episode. I wanna give you some steps that you can do or consider, to create some transformative change in your life outside of listening to this podcast, of course. But if you wanna create meaningful change, it's gonna require action on your part.

[00:12:02] Shanenn Bryant: You definitely need to take a proactive approach and be willing to take that leap and step outside of your comfort zone. I have been very nervous about this announcement, a lot of fear that you won't listen anymore. You're not gonna like the new name. And you know, how am I gonna accomplish the 3000 things that are required of me to make this change and to put in the work for the exciting things that I have coming for you as this change happens.

[00:12:39] Shanenn Bryant: But then I remembered that I too have to sit in the uncomfortable, like I say, I have to sit in that uncomfortability too, and sit in the suck. And maybe this isn't even a problem. I say that to my coaching clients all the time. Maybe this isn't even a problem. All of those things that I'm afraid about, that I'm worried about, that I've been stressing about, maybe there's no problem. And I hope that's true, but if it's not, I've got the strength to get through it 

[00:13:11] Shanenn Bryant: I know I have what it takes to get through the uncomfortable, but most of all I know that I have you supporting me, and that's really comforting as well. So, just like me, you have to be willing to go outside your comfort zone and step outside yourself to allow change to happen. 

So back to the topic of change and back to the steps with step number two then, start thinking about the aspects of your life that you want to change.

[00:13:45] Shanenn Bryant: Think about all the different areas in your life. How satisfied are you in that area? Here are some areas to consider to maybe take a look at. You know, give it a rating. See where that stands. So here are some areas to consider:

[00:14:03] Shanenn Bryant: Your career. So how satisfied are you from 1 to 10? If it's not a 10, what would make it a 10? What would need to happen to make your career or job a 10? And you don't even need to do anything yet except just think about what would make it a 10. Maybe write it down. What about your relationships? Break 'em down if you need to.

[00:14:31] Shanenn Bryant: So, if you need to break that and just say family. Okay. 1 To 10. If not a 10. What would make it a 10? Your romantic relationship, 1 to 10. How satisfied? Would taming your jealousy make it a 10? Is there another area as well in the relationship keeping it from being a 10? What about your health? 

[00:14:59] Shanenn Bryant: Nothing, not one of these things exist without your health. One to 10, where are you? What needs to change? And then the last one, what about your self-worth? That might be a big one for you that would change all the previous ones, right? Feel free to email me at sbryant@yourtopself.com.

[00:15:23] Shanenn Bryant: Yes, the email is different now. There is a link to my email in the show notes if you forget but tell me where you are on some of these. Are you an eight, are you a four? And then what would make you a 10? I would love to hear from you. Maybe take the relationship job one, and self-worth. Where are you 1 to 10? Let me know, and what you think would put it at a 10.

[00:15:52] Shanenn Bryant: Okay. So, for change and transformation, number one, we said being open and willing to step outside your comfort zone. Number two, look at what aspects of your life need to change. So, number three then is set your goals. Break 'em down into tiny chunks. You probably know that. But here's what I want you to consider.

[00:16:12] Shanenn Bryant: Which of the goals would get you the most bang for your buck and start there. Meaning if this is something that if you changed it, it would help both your job and your relationship, or your relationship and your self-worth whatever it is. Focus on that one first. Or if it's your health and you think getting healthier would help your feelings of self-worth and be better with your kids or will help you financially in the future from keeping you out of the doctor's office. Whatever yours is, start with the ones that are multi beneficial first.

[00:16:59] Shanenn Bryant: Get that bang for your buck. But bite-size them down because when they seem too big, they seem too big to accomplish.

[00:17:09] Shanenn Bryant: Once you have your goal set, now lastly, number four, take consistent action. Make it easy to make it easy or make it hard to fail. Make it easy to make it easy or make it hard to fail. So action is the key. You are not always gonna be motivated, but if you take small action, that's gonna get you closer to your goal.

[00:17:35] Shanenn Bryant: And I do love Mel Robbins. five second rule for this type of thing. So, I have used it many times when I don't feel motivated to do something, and it's worked more than once. In case you're not familiar, she wrote a book called Five Second Rule, and it's all about when you don't feel like doing something, you just count backwards from five and at the end you get up and you go do the action. You, you move, you go do the thing. 

[00:18:02] Shanenn Bryant: So 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, get off the couch and go put the laundry in. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, put on my tennis shoes and go to the gym. Whatever you're trying to do, you just 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and then boom, you go take the action. 

[00:18:17] Shanenn Bryant: So we're all gonna go through change, but we have each other and I'm here to help support you through your goals anytime. Just schedule a free Clarity Call, see how I can help. There's a link in the show notes. I'm happy to help you once you set those goals. 

[00:18:34] Shanenn Bryant: Your transformation and the changes to this podcast, it's all exciting. It, they're all exciting changes. I'm so looking forward to them, and I appreciate all of the love and support I receive from you. And my goal is to give you even more love and support with this new podcast Top Self.

[00:18:58] Shanenn Bryant: Until next time, take care. And remember, you're capable of change.