The #1 Question To Ask Yourself: Am I Being Honest? EP 93

Shanenn Bryant (3): [00:00:00] Welcome back to another episode of Top Self. I'm your host, Shanenn Bryant, and I am really looking forward to this conversation today. I have Dr. Courtney Warren on with me today. She is an award winning board certified clinical psychologist. I know you've authored a couple books that are amazing.

You're an expert on addictions. self-deception, eating pathology, a host of many other things, but I think those are kind of your big things. So the topic today is honesty. and self-deception. Welcome, Dr. Warren.

Dr. Cortney Warren: Thank you for having me. Oh, it's such a topic near and dear to my heart, especially as it replies to relationships.

Shanenn Bryant (3): We were kind of talking before we started recording. I talk all the time, like we're so worried about if our partner's being dishonest. Are they lying to us? You know, a fact checking to see if that's going on. And I say all the time, were our biggest source of deceit. So it sounds like you're kind of in agreement with that.

You know, I think that really the core journey of life and of understanding ourselves as human beings one of truth. is a self-honesty seeking journey where I would argue pretty strongly that the most important thing that you can do to live a fulfilling life is to be as honest with yourself as possible it opens up freedom in your life to create a life that you really want to live. And the more we lie to ourselves, the more we keep ourselves stuck and mired in in realities often that don't serve us well and oftentimes in relationships that don't serve us well. So absolutely self honesty is key to our own evolution and development.

And I think, you know, it's so hard, especially for people who are insecure and jealous in their relationship. Like not only, you know, that whole being honest with ourselves about any of those situations, because it's, we're very much controlling, like trying to control the situations, trying to control ourselves, trying to control our partner and.

Oftentimes when we're jealous and insecure, we're kind of blaming our partner for those feelings and emotions that are coming up and that jealousy that's coming up and we have to go, okay, you know, that's a, that's a great question, right? Am I being honest with what's happening?

Dr. Cortney Warren: And you know, you're even pointing out the trajectory with which this can be problematic. So Are we honest with ourselves when we start dating? Are we honest with ourselves with the kinds of people we tend to pick as dating partners? And then as we go through relationships, are we honest with ourselves about our own motivations, about our behaviors and why we're doing them? And one thing that happens a lot of times with jealousy, which is, by the way, a very normal human experience, what happens is we often start to get so externally focused that we forget to evaluate why. 

We are motivated to check up on our partner or look at their email or search for information about them online or monitor what they said in a text message in a way that oftentimes fuels us feeling more insecure because we're looking for some kind of validation or some kind of answer or some, some outside source that's going to make us feel better when in reality we Oftentimes, the only way to feel more [00:04:00] secure is to look in the mirror and start challenging why you think the outside world is going to fix you, because it

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yes. And I hear that all the time too. I mean, really going back to that honesty question, because people will start to say, you know, I don't want my partner to do this, or I'm uncomfortable, or I can't believe that they did this particular thing. And I always have to ask, is that because it's a relationship boundary for you, or is it because of your insecurity. 

And I think a lot of times I have a hard time answering that question. They don't know or feel like they don't know which one of those is the honest answer in those situations.

Dr. Cortney Warren: And, you know, acknowledging that you're not sure is a wonderful first step, because The problem with self-deception, when you can't see yourself accurately or you can't see a situation accurately, that you really can't tell anyone else the truth, right? Because that would require you to tell the truth to yourself first. One thing I really recommend to anyone who is struggling with insecurity and trying to figure out what about me am I bringing into this situation versus what is it actually about my partner that really is separate from me that I'm not comfortable with, that I still would want to set a boundary around, to pause when you have a strong emotional reaction to something. 

Let's say you find yourself in a situation where, ooh, you got that jealous twinge and your first instinct might be to say, well, you should have called me more, or you should have said this differently, or I'm not comfortable with you going out and not texting me when you get home or whatever the situation is for you. Before you have the reaction to your partner, pause and ask yourself, what does my reaction to this situation say about me? Where am I insecure? Do I think they don't love me enough? Do I think they're cheating? Do I think that I'm somehow less than? Because if they loved me more than they would call me or text me or not go out with their friends or whatever it might be and really take some time to look at where you learned that, why you believe that's true, and if there's a way for you to fill up your own sense of self-esteem, security, before you have any interaction with your partner. 

Because over time, the more you can fill yourself up without them, the less reactive you're going to be. And the easier it will be for you to set very clear boundaries that are loving and respectful, that acknowledge your needs and who you are, but also acknowledge who your partner is and what they might need and enter into that dance of relationships that we're all in where we are trying to be autonomous individuals, but also have a shared experience as we go through life.

Shanenn Bryant (3): Is that sort of the first step then of really trying to detect, like, how do we detect when we're lying to ourselves? Because I think most of us go, I'm not lying. I mean, this is the truth. This is my truth, even, you know, we'll even stretch it further to make it even more okay by saying this is my truth.

So is that like, how do we start detecting that?

Dr. Cortney Warren: It's always going to start with self-awareness. It has to start by you pausing and being open to noticing yourself. one of the reasons I recommend people start with their emotional reactions is that it's one of the easiest places to start because most of us can get. Ooh, an awareness that, ooh, I'm having a hit. I'm having a flare. I'm really mad, or I'm really jealous, or I'm really [00:08:00] anxious right now. If you can take that moment to pause and try to unpack your experience before you react to it, that is the first mechanism, the first opening that you have to understand yourself differently. Um, personally, I'll give you an example.

I absolutely struggled in my romantic relationships, especially early in my dating history. And I had a very clear that was kind of pivotal to me that might be familiar to some of you listening. was in college and my boyfriend came to my dorm room and I was madly in love with him at the time.

And it was really my first. true love experience. he stopped by because he was going out with his friends. It's like, I'm going out. It's Friday night. Just wanted to come give you a kiss. And I just burst into tears. And he looked at me like, Court, what's going on? What's wrong? Like, there's nothing wrong.

I'm just going out with my friends. Why are you crying? And I looked at him and said, I just don't want you to go out. he said, but why? And I said, I don't really know. Anytime you notice yourself having that experience, pause. Because your in that moment is just a stimulus. It might be that I didn't want him to go out that night and it. true that I didn't know why, but the reality was that I didn't want him to go out because I was insecure and afraid that if he went out, it meant I was going to be alone. weren't trustworthy. 

I wasn't safe. And those conclusions that I had made in my own mind had absolutely nothing to do with my boyfriend. They had to do with conclusions that I had made from a very early age about what it was to be in a romantic relationship and how safe we were. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household early in my life, as many people do. 

My parents were divorced when I was really young and I had made some very damaging conclusions about myself, my value as a human being, how safe we were in romantic relationships that led me to conclude unconsciously I was never going to be safe with any man I dated. And then if you take it a step further, I only dated people who really weren't particularly emotionally

Shanenn Bryant (3): You dated the unsafe people, right? Yeah. Right.

Dr. Cortney Warren: I did. So it was like, well, I already concluded that I'm not going to be safe. Then I fell in love, which is a very addictive [00:11:00] experience for anyone who's been there where you can get hyper focused on the person. You think about them, you crave them and you want to touch them. It's that madly in love experience that's highly focused on this one lover. And then I added to it by dating people who were probably never going to be good for me. 

So if you kind of try to unpack that, it all starts with the self-awareness of how honest can you be with yourself? the one hand, I was bringing a whole host of baggage with me such that my boyfriend was never going to make me safe, feel safe. No matter what he did, if he called me every five minutes, I was still going to be insecure about it because I I didn't feel safe in relationships, especially with really in relationships that were more romantic with men. 

Then I look at the people that I'm dating and I, time, see, oh wow, I'm actually dating people who probably are going to fuel my insecurities, not help them. And over time, that's the journey for all of us. Building your self-esteem enough so that you can become self-aware. part two, which is assess where your insecurities are coming from. did I learn this? Is it true? Is it accurate? And how do I fight it? So that then over time, I don't have the strong reactions and I pick people who are hopefully healthier for me so that I can travel this journey of understanding myself in romantic relationships and life in a much healthier way. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yes. Well, my gosh, thank you so much for sharing that. Because one of my goals is to get people to really. You know, approach their thoughts and their feelings about jealousy and insecurity and like removing that some of the shame around it because it's a very shameful feeling, which even fuels the, all of the, you know, the, the negative things that you're already saying about yourself.

Then when someone feels jealous, there's a huge amount of shame that comes with it, especially if they have a reaction and, you know, there's some conflict in the partnership. So, your TED talk, Honest Liars, it was so good, and you touched on that a little bit, so I just wanted to say thank you for taking it to a TEDx platform and being brave enough to say, I was this way, I've experienced this because people have so much shame around it.

And I think it goes to the other part of being honest with yourself and that sort of self-deception of I, I'm not going to talk about it because it means something bad about me.

Dr. Cortney Warren: Well, [00:14:00] I appreciate that. And one of the reasons that I use myself as an example. Is really to validate for people that we all experience insecurities. We are naturally going to be insecure in certain areas. And if you are someone who was raised with some adverse experiences, what or had early dating experiences that were really difficult for you, it is going to emerge in your romantic relationships. so just knowing that doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. also live in a cultural context that suggests that should be partnered. that you should be in a happy relationship in which two people come together and make one happy, whole, satisfied human, which is really, really not true. 

And it feeds self-deceptive beliefs about what healthy romantic relationships should look like. So I really hope anyone listening understands and hears me very much say you are not defined by your romantic relationships. you are insecure, that is very normal. it as a mechanism to understand yourself differently and know that whether you are loved or liked or rejected or single or coupled actually has no bearing on your value as a person because I think oftentimes we don't get that message in life. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): hundred percent. Oh my gosh. Thank you for bringing up that topic because I do think that, and I can even remember in my dating phase, I mean, that was just sort of the thing that you talked about with your girlfriends, right? Like, Oh, I'm not dating anyone. It stinks to be single. Or you would get jealous in a way or envious more like it of your friends who did have someone.

[00:16:00] And it was all kind of this, like your whole family, Experience was really trying to find the person to be with instead of like, well, let me learn myself a little bit, especially people that come from some dysfunctional background. And I agree with you. Yes, of course that has a huge impact. You know, my father was an alcoholic.

It was a very chaotic, abusive environment. And we do start to very early on tell ourselves. You know, we create these stories that then offer us suffering as we get older and nobody goes and also people are immature when you're young and you're starting to date. Like it's nothing to do with that person and their worth.

Dr. Cortney Warren: Agreed. It's such a journey. It's the, just the dating is such a journey for really everyone, but so many of us, [00:17:00] particularly if we fall in love. And then it doesn't work because it will challenge us in ways that we don't expect. And, you know, especially working with young adults and college age students, it's one of the main reasons they come in for therapy is, Oh my gosh, you know, I'm emerging into a sexual being in a romantic being.

And I fell in love and I thought love was enough. I thought. To become one. I thought it's bound to work because it feels so amazing and I love this person. I'm never going to find anybody else. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yeah. 

Dr. Cortney Warren: if they don't want me, then no one's going to want me. This sort of string of narratives that's very socially reinforced and all Lies. But there are lies that we tell ourselves. That is the self deceptive nature of us. And so as we start to become more honest with ourselves and you start to see what you tell yourself in your own head about love, About your partner, about how it should be, about what needs to happen in order for you to feel more secure. 

It is an opportunity for us to look at our actual thinking patterns, the content of them and say, well, wow. Is it actually true that I'm never going to find anybody else? Is it actually true that I need a mate in order to be fulfilled in life? it actually true that this relationship defines me? No. So as you start to become more self aware and you start to notice the kinds of lies that you tell, tend to tell yourself. Your next focus has to be challenging them. That as soon as you noticed in your mind, you thought, Oh, I need this to happen in order to feel better. [00:19:00] Pause. What does this say about me? 

I have to shift the narrative. Actually, this doesn't feel good right now. I am not feeling secure in my relationship. But I know that a lot of that has to do with me. And so instead of looking externally at you to try to make me feel better, what I'm gonna do instead is write down all the thoughts that are going through my head and ask myself, this true? And is this helpful? And if it isn't, I have to reframe it. 

I have to literally challenge my own thinking to say, I can get through this. I am valuable. I am okay by myself as a human being in my own skin. And wow, I've learned some of these really unhealthy, traits, and I'm just going to work on those. And instead of trying to figure out how to make my mate perfect for me, I'm really going to [00:20:00] focus on how can I feel whole and healed and secure in myself. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yeah.

Dr. Cortney Warren: And that is, that is just going to improve the trajectory of your relationships exponentially.

Shanenn Bryant (3): Well, and the greatest thing is nobody then can really take that away from you. Yes, you can have relationships and they may come and go and yes, you know, there's a Okay, that doesn't feel good, but it doesn't destroy you like we tend to do and have that super scarcity mindset if then we do have a breakup, right?

Dr. Cortney Warren: Mm. Mm.hmm. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Um, I know that you've probably sprinkled it through this entire talk, but I want to give, you have a framework, the three A's. Can we go through those? 

Dr. Cortney Warren: Absolutely. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Tell us what it is.

Dr. Cortney Warren: So the three A's of authenticity is what I call 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Okay. 

Dr. Cortney Warren: Authenticity is being yourself, feeling in yourself, understanding what your basic values are, what you aspire to in life, what you really think matters. making choices that are congruent with those values as you go through the course of your day. 

And so the three A's of authenticity, of being that core centered, secure self are awareness, assessment, and action. And what I mean by each of those are the following. Awareness is being continually open to information. Being open to who you are, whether you're being honest with yourself or not, what your reactions are, they come out, what triggers them. It's this self-awareness of yourself in each context of life that you encounter.

Shanenn Bryant (3): I think it's, I'm sorry. I just wanted to say real quick. I think that's so good [00:22:00] because it's almost like, even if you challenge yourself for a week to say, I'm really going to pay attention to like everything about me, everything I do, because we just live on autopilot. We go through our habits, kind of.

Somewhat numb, and it's so interesting when you start to really pay attention to yourself. Things that you're thinking, like I'm being aware and alert of the things that I'm thinking and what I'm doing and how my body feels. It's crazy what you can figure out.

Dr. Cortney Warren: I love that. And you know, to your point about shame and how compromised we can be, oftentimes crippled we can feel when we start to notice what we do or compromise our own values, I often suggest to people that they think from an observer's perspective. 

Think of yourself from an awareness perspective as if you were your best friend watching. Observing without any judgments, without any criticisms, without any negativity, just as a neutral observer doing an experiment, thinking, what can I learn about myself today? I am just going to try to be aware in a supportive, graceful, loving way of my experience as I, as I go through the world. really what I mean, which is very much whatyou just highlighted. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): So good. Okay, that's awareness. 

Dr. Cortney Warren: Yes. 

Dr. Cortney Warren: Then we move into assessment. So as you become more aware, you're going to realize some things about yourself. You're going to see patterns in your behaviors, in your thoughts, in your emotional reactions to things. And so assessment means taking the time do a deeper dive into where. [00:24:00] that is coming from and why. 

So this is really pausing when you have an awareness of yourself. For example, I notice I'm feeling jealous right now. I feel it in my emotion. I see it in my behavior. Like I want to yell at you because I think you've done something wrong or I want to run away because I'm feeling embarrassed. I feel it.

It's jealousy. Where is that coming from? When have I felt this way before? When did I first feel this way in any relationship in my life? is it triggering for me about my beliefs about love or my beliefs about my own value in relationships? How can I utilize my awareness to understand myself and assess myself at a deeper When you do the assessment of yourself, it means that you do have to think about your own learning. 

So where did I learn this? And you have to be willing to look at early childhood the reality is that we start learning about love and romance and our own value from a really early age in ways We're not usually consciously aware of. It takes a lot of practice to go back and say, where is this coming from? What did I learn from my parents, from my peers, from the media, from my culture, from an early age that is leading me to this reaction right now with my current romantic partner? 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yeah. When did I feel this? And when, like, when is the first time? Such good questions. I have a process called the, uh, called the shift. And that's part of it that I investigate is like, when did I first start feeling this? Because that also helps someone to go, okay, wait a second. It isn't this. Situation.

This is something that I've experienced before that's that I'm hanging on to, right, that I'm just kind of carrying along with me. So I think that's such a good question.

Dr. Cortney Warren: I love it. It's, it's the way that we can understand our development and the baggage that we bring into all of our relationships that we often don't see, but really need to unpack in order to get it to go away. in order to be sure that it isn't damaging your current romantic relationships, right? Or any relationships actually, but I know you focus on jealousy oftentimes in romance.

So it will absolutely come out in your romantic relationships. That I can tell you in in a very confident way. And so then the third A of authenticity, we have continued awareness. We do some assessment to figure out who we are and how we got here. 

Now you have to take action. The third A is action. The reason that action is so important is that you have to do something with the information that you've learned. Because if you don't, It will actually hurt you more. Psychologically, ignorance really is bliss in a lot of ways. And that's the reason that we lie to ourselves. Self-deception is protective. It's our brain and body and psyche's way of not acknowledging information that hurts us in the short term. If I don't admit that it's true, 

I don't have to really, really stare it down, look at it and say, ouch, that hurts so much. If you stare it down and don't do anything with you, with it, it's just going to weigh you down. So you have to take action. When you notice, gosh, I tend to be really jealous in my relationships. It tends to emerge when I don't hear from my mate. I am more responsible for working with that. Now when I notice I'm feeling jealous, Because my significant other is out and they haven't contacted me in 36 hours and I'm starting to feel really jealous and really anxious now, am responsible for my response in a very different way. 

This is where your actions should be aimed at doing things that help your mental state. can I do to help myself through this experience that builds my self esteem, that builds my self-esteem. experiences in the world so that I can convince myself that I can get through this, this doesn't define me. So any self care. Talking to a friend, getting some exercise, eating well, sleeping well. Therapeutic interventions, cognitive restructuring, distress tolerance, all of these wonderful tools that you can use you're working with a coach or a psychologist or someone who's well versed in cognitive behavioral techniques or mindfulness techniques. It can include social supports. 

Other social support is incredibly important to us as we're working with ourselves and our insecurities. So joining a support group, finding friends who are going through similar experiences and trying to grow and evolve and be more honest with themselves. Those actions over time matter massively many reasons to your long term outcomes. those are the three A's. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Um

Dr. Cortney Warren: Assessment, and Action. What I can tell you is that the more you practice, the easier it gets. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yeah.

Dr. Cortney Warren: The stronger you feel in your own body, in your own mind, in your own spirituality, in your own skin, the easier it will be for you to navigate difficult moments in all of your relationships. Because your self-esteem will get you through it without having the negative self-deceptive thoughts creep in.

Shanenn Bryant (3): I love the support system because that's so big, right? That's a huge thing when you finally realize because I think we all just naturally do it like I'm just this way I'm just made this way and I'm the only one that feels these things or that's You know, has this going on and so when you get in a group of people that all are experiencing very similar things and they can relate to you and okay, now I have someone to talk to because I hear that a lot with this.

[00:31:00] Especially people will try to talk to their friends or family members, and if those people have never experienced this extreme jealousy in the way that they are, like, what are you talking about? Like, why are you even worried about this? Nothing's happened. You know, this is silly for you. And so then it shuts them down even more and makes it harder for them to.

You'll get the courage to try to talk about it again because they were kind of shut down. So I love the, the support we, you know, I, I tease and kind of say we need JA, Jealousy Anonymous to go, you know, same similar thing as like AA or any other kind of support group like that.

Dr. Cortney Warren: I, I love that also. think it's, it's probably important to note too that a lot of times people don't go to family and friends when they're experiencing extreme jealousy or a bad breakup is that oftentimes we compromise our own values in an effort to keep a relationship going. And when we do, does breed a tremendous amount of guilt and shame. 

For example, I wouldn't be surprised at all if some of your listeners or people that you work with have done things. that they know at the time they shouldn't do because it doesn't feel good. Like having sex with their partner at a time where they don't feel comfortable doing it, or they're broken up, or calling and texting repeatedly because they're trying to get some contact, some, connection with their mate, but it's in a way that is ultimately really damaging and makes them feel like they're begging for

attention. When that happens, is true that some people will look at you and think, I don't understand why you're doing [00:33:00] this. Like, why would you do that? can really breed this. Something is wrong with me because your own mind, rationally, people will say to me, like, I know it doesn't make me feel good. I don't even want to be doing this, but I don't seem to be able to stop myself in the moment.

I'm acting in ways that are actively inauthentic, that I know are harmful, that ultimately do not feel good to me. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yeah.

Dr. Cortney Warren: But I'm doing them anyway, and it makes it really hard for me to share because some people will not understand. If you find yourself in that position, having a support group of people who are similarly struggling with attachment or with jealousy or with codependence or with any of these sort of larger themes. in romantic relationships make us compromise our authentic selves and make us feel less than incredibly empowering because it will remind you that you're not alone. It will remind you that all of us make mistakes. It will remind you that may have done things that you're not proud of, and that is in the past.

And the only thing you have power over is what you choose to do. Today. so getting back to that third A of authenticity action where you can faced say, do not like how I acted yesterday, but today I am choosing to act differently and I'm choosing to act differently because I know it's in my best interest. That is really, really powerful.

Shanenn Bryant (3): Hmm. I don't know. I don't like how I acted yesterday versus I don't like me. Right? 

Dr. Cortney Warren: Yes, with this eye towards. And other people struggle with this too. And there is hope. And it does get easier. It's going to be incredibly hard when you start. I don't want to sugarcoat it for people. Starting to become honest with yourself means you're going to confront some realities that hurt. 

Because it means you're going to have to stare down some things about yourself that you really don't like. Even admitting, I am really habitually jealous in romantic relationships. is a problem for me. That's really hard to say for a lot of people. And then, looking at your current relationship and saying, and here's how it's manifesting. I act like this. I blame them for this. I claim to need this. I ask for all these things and guess what? I don't seem to feel that much better. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): hmm.

Dr. Cortney Warren: Oh, red flag. This is more about you than it is about them. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yeah.

Dr. Cortney Warren: Those things really psychologically hurt to admit. But [00:36:00] once you admit them, you can't unsee them. And you now have the freedom to work with it. You now have the freedom to do that assessment and say, well, where did this come from? Gosh, I better figure it out because I don't want to ruin all of my future relationships because I am not seeing myself accurately. 

And I have the freedom to change. Change is not easy as a human being. Most of us resist change at all costs. Many of us will stay in dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships, when we rationally know we should leave, because we don't want to confront change.

Shanenn Bryant (3): Mm hmm.

Dr. Cortney Warren: But the truth is that you can do it differently. it Those little baby steps, the things that seem tiny each day, like pausing and noticing your reaction, then doing something small that's different than you would have done yesterday. of those things [00:37:00] exponentially add up over time, so that in a week or in a month or in a year, You could look completely different in terms of how you approach romantic relationships and how you approach your partner. 

And it's all because of these micro changes that you've made a thousand times in the last month that add up to this enormous transformation that's healing and helpful. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Mm hmm. Yeah, and it all starts with that awareness piece. I think it's so good. Um, you were saying not seeing yourself accurately, and I can just remember years ago when I was really in that, like, When I was at the height of my jealousy, so, I had it so bad and, you know, going to the pool, going to the beach, I just felt so triggered and I thought, this really sucks because I love the beach.

You know, my true self is, I love the beach, I love the pool, I love laying in the sun, I [00:38:00] love all of those things, but I'm not doing them now because this thing that feels so big, this thing is preventing me. You know, from doing it. So I love that of, you know, not seeing yourself accurately because we can get that way because it got to the point of me saying, I don't like to go to the beach, I don't like to go to the pool. And that's not true. It wasn't true. 

Dr. Cortney Warren: Right. It wasn't true. It was just a way of coping with the thoughts that were going through your head. Because as your example illustrates, the beach is just a stimulus. The pool is just a stimulus. Your relationship, the person you're with is actually a stimulus oftentimes for jealousy or for emotional reactions that All stem from our own internal dialogue, our own narrative, our own of construction of what we think that means about us. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Yeah.

Dr. Cortney Warren: [00:39:00] And that is changeable, changeable. And as you shift your perspective, you will also shift how strongly jealous you feel or don't feel.

Shanenn Bryant (3): Oh, Dr. Courtney Warren, thank you so much for being here.

Dr. Cortney Warren: Oh, my pleasure. My absolute pleasure. I hope everyone listening knows to their core. that they have some power over their symptoms, that there are a lot of tools they can use to help themselves overcome jealousy, overcome envy, overcome sadness, overcome anything that it is that they're going through and that it's worth it, that you are worth it. 

Shanenn Bryant (3): Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. And I'm gonna, don't worry, I am going to link her books and the TEDx talk. I really want you all to hear that. So I will link all of that in the show notes. 

Thank you so much for being here and all of the greatness that you gave us today. I appreciate it.

Dr. Cortney Warren: Thank you so much. My pleasure.

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