The Myth Of Positive Thinking w/ Dr. Eddie O'Connor EP 76

[00:00:00] Shanenn Bryant: Welcome to Top Self, the podcast dedicated to relax your mind, achieve change, and become a healthier, more present you. Are you ready to move past the daily anxiety? Comparing and doubting yourself, and feeling like you're not enough? I'm your host, Shanenn Bryant, and I've ruined many good relationships because of my jealousy, and stayed way too long in some bad ones because of my insecurity.

[00:00:32] But I stopped letting fear drive my actions. And now I can't wait to share with you as I dive into these emotions, shed light on how they might be impacting your life and uncover strategies to break free from their grip. It's time to start living a life of confidence. So get ready to ignite yourself worth and transform your life because my friend, you are worthy.

[00:01:00] Shanenn Bryant: Eddie O'Connor. you have been super successful in a lot of different things. You're the author and host of "The Psychology of Performance. How to be your Best in Life." And, when I was reading this and preparing for this interview, I thought, okay, I'm so excited to talk to him because sometimesI struggled just to get through the day and you're talking about reaching peak performance.

[00:01:23] So I definitely have a lot to learn. The listeners will have a lot to learn from you today. Eddie, welcome.

[00:01:30] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Thanks so much. I'm excited to be here. I love the name of the podcast, Top Self. It really fits in beautifully with my life's mission, so I'm ready to roll.

[00:01:37] Shanenn Bryant: Great. okay. So Dr. Eddie O'Connor, one of the things that really struck me is you saying you're not a, you're not a fan of positive thinking. So, I want to start there, but first I'd really love to hear how you got into this? Why Peak performance? Talk a little bit about what you do.

[00:01:58] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Sure, basically I always loved sports, and I always loved psychology. I read Freud's "Analysis of Dreams "in like sixth grade for fun. I geeked out, and, but as a runner in high school, I also had a mental block. I couldn't get past, I wanted to run 210 in high school for the half mile.

[00:02:14] And I was just overly identified as being an athlete. And the idea of not meeting that goal was a big fear of failure, as you commonly hear, because my identity was threatened. So, I've seen that a lot of my career too, where it just wasn't just running anymore, but it's so much psychological baggage that went in with it.

[00:02:31] And very fortunately, I broke through that, but didn't even discover what was going on until I went to graduate school. Long story short. I ended up specializing in psychology, clinical psychology, because I want to understand human beings, but also found out that sports psychology was a thing. It was the last class I took in college, and I was like, oh my gosh, I got to use this for the last eight years.

[00:02:49] Now you tell me that there's something that you can do with your mind? And it's amazing to me that, back in the day that we didn't know this already ahead of time, because I don't know about you, but I'm always swimming in my thoughts and feelings, and they were always getting in the way of not only sports and track, but relationships. We have a lot of dating stories about that and how that would, you know, insecurities would come up or, uh, work performances or school and anxiety before exams.

[00:03:13] So what's fun about this too, and why I put the course together about how to be your best in life, and as you joked about, or didn't joke about struggling just to get through the day, it really is almost always that our head evaluates, or we have an emotion that creates an obstacle. if we all know what we want to do.

[00:03:32] And I found that a lot of the field of sports psychology, it very much can be about the positive thinking, which we'll get to in a moment and confidence so that I could do well. And we all know that, but none of us can do it all the time. I'm telling you, even at the game's highest levels, people can't do it all the time.

[00:03:45] So I've taken, I've pivoted a bit and I really look into it and my mantra is how to overcome the obstacles to excellence. Cause I think it's really about…

[00:03:56] Shanenn Bryant: Mm. 

[00:03:57] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: specialize in performance anxiety, in particular perfectionism, type A personalities, people can't stand making mistakes, anybody who's under a lot of pressure to perform, all of us, There's something that you can do and so I look forward to introducing many of you to some of these strategies that you can use right away in the podcast today

[00:04:15] Shanenn Bryant: Thank you for that. And yes, I say, just getting through, the day because this is the thing with the person that's listening to this podcast, they are super anxious in their relationships. They have anxiety every day. They're worried that their partners gonna cheat or leave or you know, just being anxious about the relationship. And a lot of that is they more than anyone want to change but there's something, that's really standing in their way.

[00:04:43] They're having a hard time trusting people. they're partners, relationships. They're having a hard time believing in themselves. So there is just that block that no matter if you're trying to play a sport or learn a new, instrument or in your relationships, those blocks can really cause you to fail.

[00:05:03] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Yeah, absolutely. So you want to address it right now?

[00:05:08] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah, let's go for it.

[00:05:10] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Let's go for it. All right, I'm going to, I'm going to take relationships and I'm going to just apply it like it's a sport.

[00:05:15] So just to save us some time. 

[00:05:17] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah. there's a really good reason why.

[00:05:22] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: People cheat.

[00:05:24] I'm done. But I, and I say that kind of jokingly, but what I want, again, the quote unquote anxious people to realize here is it happens all the time, unfortunately. Now, that doesn't mean it happens in every relationship with every person. All of that reassurance that this guy or girl is going to be different, maybe they are, maybe they're not.

[00:05:47] And if you're going to try to be positive, this gets into right away where I don't like the positivity, it's going to scare you even more because you can't really believe it. Look, if there's a bear in front of me and you're like, look, don't worry about it, it's a friendly bear. I'm going to be like, how do you know that?

[00:06:02] And are you absolutely sure? Did you just see it come from, the circus? And we also know that sometimes even those bears can, freak out and stuff. Don't tell me to ignore the bear in front of me. That's going to make me more anxious. I'm not going to tell you, oh, here's how to think positively and feel confident in your relationship.

[00:06:18] I'm going to ask you to listen to this anxiety, because people cheat. And what you want to do is, though, not believe everything that your head says. Because let me ask you and in the audience, do you ever worry about things that didn't happen?

[00:06:35] Shanenn Bryant: All the time. Yeah. the famous quote, I've, I've been through a, a million struggles in my life, some of which actually happened, right? 

[00:06:42] Because that is, yeah, that's what we do. And so thank you so much for saying that, yeah. You're worried that your partner might cheat because people cheat.

[00:06:51] It happens. it's a real thing. And yes, we can't necessarily ignore it. And the biggest part of that too is it's okay you're potentially worried about it, but how do we not make it then drive our life, right?

[00:07:04] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: So, let's get to that part two, but the problem, usually what I've seen with clients is they want to jump to part two without really settling in on this part one. Like we have these jokes that, yeah, my mind worries all the time. I know that, but, and then we go back into the worry and all these cliches about, again, how our mind can just wander and I know that it's not true, but this one time and this particular person I'm really fearing it and then I'm wrong and then I go ahead and I fear it again the next time.

[00:07:32] It's because we're trying to act like it's going to be predictive or it isn't or we're trying to say that we can't believe and we have these big rules. So what I want to encourage is just to relate to your anxiety as this is your healthy, very healthy, Doesn't feel like it, but is a healthy

[00:07:50] survival instinct. Our mind is actually built to look out into the world and tell us what could go wrong. So, let me move away from relationships for a moment and give a sport example, which might be easier to digest. When my athletes come in with anxiety, I'm always defending them and they're like, but it hurts my performance.

[00:08:07] I can't play baseball and be worried about all this stuff at the same time. I'm like, exactly. So let's not worry about fighting and getting rid of it. Let's defend why you should be scared. You're in front of a stadium of people who are watching. If you make a mistake, it is going to cost you an error or a score.

[00:08:25] If you lose, you and your teammates are going to be disappointed in your performance. Maybe even your parents. You might lose your starting position because it's a competition and you might have to earn it. So I'm not going to reassure you about any of these things. The things that you're afraid of happening are very real.

[00:08:41] So let's drop the struggle to control this anxiety. Let's respond to it in an adaptive way. That's the pivot and that's the difference. It's not about getting rid of your anxiety,

[00:08:53]  Because if I'm trying to control my anxiety and I'm in my head, I can't play baseball at the same time. Moving back to relationships, if I'm all worried about my partner cheating on me, and I'm looking at my body and I'm all insecure about how I look, and did I say the right thing, and am I treating him or her the right way, and am I making enough money, and all the other stuff that we could be insecure about, I can't actually relate to the man or woman in front of me.

[00:09:17] I'm all in my head. And that's what's not working. Should I have those concerns? Yeah. So then respond to those concerns. Is she going out, not telling me where she is, coming back drunk four in the morning with some guy's cologne on her? Then yeah, then I might want to be a little bit suspicious and lean into that and pay attention to it.

[00:09:34] But if that's not happening, if she's looking me in the eyes every day and say, honey, I love you, and I don't see any behaviors coming from her, but I recognize that I've got insecurities or other things like that, then I want to say, where is this anxiety coming from? And if it's coming from me, then I have to respect that and know it's because I love this person so much.

[00:09:52] It's not because they're actually cheating. And I'm afraid because I've seen it on TV and I know friends that it's happened to and it's a real thing. But let me have a conversation with the person and let them know my insecurities, be vulnerable. There's a lot of different ways that we could go about it.

[00:10:05] But ultimately, how do I keep tuning in and seeing the person in front of me? In the same way that a baseball player might be really anxious about getting a hit or striking out. But the only thing that he can do is look at the pitch and hit the ball in front of him.

[00:10:19] Shanenn Bryant: Now, none of this is going to make anybody listening feel good.

[00:10:21] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: You might be sitting back and being like, but then how does that help anxiety? My point is that it doesn't. Let me quiz you really quickly. We have four basic human emotions. You want to guess what they are?

[00:10:32] Shanenn Bryant: Sure. Anger, fear. happy. sad.

[00:10:36] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Perfect. You nailed it. But let's re go over this again. Happy, sad, mad, and scared. How many of those emotions feel good?

[00:10:44] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah, one. One of the four.

[00:10:48] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: And so here we are, trying to tell people that they need to live in 25 percent of what it means to be human their entire life. We're supposed to play games and be in these relationships that are, like, no matter how good your relationship is, it’s gonna have moments of sad, mad, and scared.

[00:11:03] And we're gonna pathologize it.

[00:11:05] I don't know about you, but every time I'm sad, people tell me to cheer up. Every time I'm mad, they tell me to calm down. And every time I'm scared, they reassure me and tell me I'm gonna be okay. And that annoys me, because I got every right to be sad when somebody dies or a relationship breaks up. I've got every reason to be anxious when my friends have gotten divorced and, I'm fighting with my spouse and I don't know how it's going to go out.

[00:11:25] I've got every right to feel these negative things.

[00:11:29] How do I respond to them so that I can go in the direction that I want to go? That's where the magic is.

[00:11:34] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah, and I love that you say that when you were saying like defend why like defending well Why do I feel this way and I talked about that quite a bit of there's a very good reason that you are feeling insecure. There's a very good reason why you're jealous in relationships. It could be from someone like me who had dysfunction in their background and we've learned like I was abandoned and I'm so this is how I respond it could be that you've had a series of relationships where there was infidelity or who you know whatever those situations are but yeah let's talk about that it's okay that we have these feelings that I am nervous I am scared this is the way that my last three relationships have ended, so 

[00:12:18] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Yeah, Yeah, and lets double down on that. We say it's okay, and sometimes that makes me feel like, and maybe I'm too sensitive to this, makes me feel like, oh, it's okay, don't worry about it. And I want to actually go more powerful than that. If you've, I'll speak to you directly, if you've been abandoned in your life, you have every right to be afraid of it happening again.

[00:12:37] There is nothing pathological about it, even though I know probably for decades people have said that and it's a problem. It's not a problem. It's a survival instinct. You've got unfortunate experience that this happens, not only to people, but to you.

[00:12:51] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah.

[00:12:52] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: And could it happen again? Unfortunately, yes. So we have to navigate this healthy, beautiful response that is there to protect you because you don't want it to happen again.

[00:13:04] And you know that it's a real risk in ways that other people don't. So you're healthy. 

[00:13:10] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah. 

[00:13:10] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Now adaptive and say, what are we going to do with this information? How I might have to take extra care? And that's where we can get into a lot of complications about, who am I attracting? And what am I falling for?

[00:13:21] And what's the reason for this? It takes a lot of work there, but it's all productive. It's not pathological. You don't have a problem. You're not broken. We're not fixing anything. We're saying that this is a challenge in your life and we're learning how to overcome it. And this is just your flavor. We all have flavors.

[00:13:35] But you're, it's healthy. you should be nervous about this.

[00:13:41] Shanenn Bryant: and I think that's where the, yeah, and I think that's where the confusion comes in for a lot of people, or they start questioning because they may go to their friend or a family member and say, Oh, I'm just really nervous in my relationship. I'm afraid that my partner is going to cheat on me, or I'm afraid that they're going to leave me for someone else. And the person says. Why? There's no sign of any, they haven't done anything. Like, why would you worry about it? And then that makes that person feel worse. there is something wrong with them. oh, I'm bro, there's something, like you said, pathologically wrong with us, wrong with me, you know?

[00:14:13] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: then the friends of the anxious people, if you're listening to the podcast, what I'd like to suggest is don't read somebody else's mind. the more helpful question would be like, okay, can you tell me about what's going on in the relationship that has you feeling like he or she might be cheating?

[00:14:27] Because maybe there is a reason, and you don't want to blow it off without knowing you're not there. You don't see it.

[00:14:32] And. As anxious people, I've been in this position too, it's they're not doing anything, I just feel that way. Okay, let's pause on that. I don't have any evidence that the person I love is cheating on me.

[00:14:46] I just feel that way. Then that means that maybe I shouldn't be focusing so much on my partner, and that maybe I need to hold what I'm thinking a little bit more lightly. Now, I don't expect friends to become psychologists, but if we were to continue this conversation between you and I, then it'd be like, Okay, what is it about, why is that coming from you?

[00:15:05] Why are you holding on to that feeling? Where is it coming from? And as you had said, maybe I've got a history of cheating or this or that, I watched this movie. Okay, so how do you want to respond to that thought? It's like people are like, what do you mean, how do I want to respond to it?

[00:15:23] I have a choice? of course we have a choice.do you believe everything that you think? Do you act on every urge that you've ever had? Let me ask you this. If you in fact did do everything that you ever thought of and acted on every urge you ever had, where would you be right now?

[00:15:37] Shanenn Bryant: I'm asking you for an answer, because I only get two answers.

[00:15:40] oh, I would be in probably a lot of trouble if I acted on, you what I thought for sure.

[00:15:47] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Yeah, I'm very curious about what these things would be, but I'm not going to ask you on public recording. But the answer I've gotten from thousands of people, and I'm sure many people listening to the podcast have said, if I actually did everything I ever thought of and acted on every urge uninhibited, I'd either be dead or in jail.

[00:16:01] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah.

[00:16:02] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: And that's absolutely true.

[00:16:04] Shanenn Bryant: You haven't believed everything that you thought. You haven't acted on everything that happened. It's easier to do it when we know that the threat is death or jail, or it goes against our moral beliefs, or sometimes there are parameters that go into it.

[00:16:15] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: But what I want to emphasize to the listeners is that there are thoughts that you have that you don't believe. engage or interact with. There are thoughts that you just let go because they don't make sense or they're not going to be helpful. And so when I work with my clients, I build on that natural experience and then apply it in these more difficult areas, whether it be high performance in sports or in the case of relationships like this, where they've got some history.

[00:16:38] And these are thoughts that are really serving a protection to some trauma or to some, very important part of their life. But still we want to relate to the thoughts. Are they helping me or are they hurting me? And I had to do this in my own life. A lot of my own insecurities. As much as they were justifiable.

[00:16:53] And I spent my whole life justifying it. And saying, this is why. And seeking reassurances that never ever helped. Because you can never get a guarantee that somebody's not going to cheat or leave you or this or that. But then I started to look at it and say, was this helping me? Is it enhancing my relationships or hurting?

[00:17:08] And the answer was always hurting the relationship. People don't, people who are faithful don't like being doubted for 10 years. They don't. They feel like you're not seeing me and like we're caught up in our own stuff. They want to be seen.

[00:17:21] And so asking that question. Write this down if you're not driving or wherever you are.

[00:17:26] Is this thought helping or hurting me? Is it moving me towards where I want to go or away? Not is it right or wrong, should or shouldn't, positive or negative. Throw those things out. Is it helping me or hurting me?

[00:17:37] Shanenn Bryant: Mm

[00:17:38] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Because if it's helping me, then hold on to it. If it's truly protecting you and keeping you from unsafe people, hold on to that fear.

[00:17:46] But if it's hurting you, then why do you want to hold on to it? Why do you want to keep engaging it? Biologically, it's a fear. You're going to get stuck. It's our survival instinct, but here's where the growth comes. Can I unhook from it and act in a way that is more consistent with the partner or athlete or a person I want to be?

[00:18:05] Shanenn Bryant: Mm hmm. Then is this where, the not being a fan of positive thinking comes in? Because, yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:14] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Yeah, that's basically it in a different package, 

[00:18:16] like my typical on entree to that is, I have so many athletes coming in who think that the rule is I have to think positive and feel confident so that I can play well.

[00:18:28] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah.

[00:18:29] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: And that's just false. And now I'm not going to argue with it. It's a heck of a lot easier.

[00:18:34] And as I'd said, I'm not against positive thinking. I've had to back off of this in the last few years because people are like, so why are you again? I'm not against it. I'm just saying it's not the only solution. I'm on the workability model. So if positive thinking works, then do it. when I'm in the gym and I, like I jack myself up or I'm in the football field or like whatever it is, like I think positive, I do use it myself, but then there are times that I've dropped the ball a few times or I'm not having a great day and I really can't believe it.

[00:19:01] So instead of being in my head and trying to be positive and talking myself out of something that, look, we're getting beat, in the fourth quarter and we're down by three touchdowns. Am I supposed to really believe that everything's going to be fine? I've dropped the ball three times today.

[00:19:14] Am I supposed to really tell myself to be confident? if I can and it works, that's fine. And some people can, but maybe I need to just be more realistic and be like, today was a bad day. But that's not going to help. Let me let go of that and just be more realistic and more action focused

[00:19:28] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah.

[00:19:29] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: and just give up the struggle to control.

[00:19:30] That's why I don't like positive thinking is that when I can't be positive, I don't need to be positive in order to do something as evidenced by the idea that I don't need to follow every thought and feeling that I had. So it's this requirement of positivity that I'm against. Not positive thinking itself, but the requirement.

[00:19:47] Our actions are independent of what we think and feel. And if you've ever gotten up to go to your job when you wanted to sleep in, if you've ever studied for a test that you didn't want to study for, if you've ever been faithful when you were tempted to cheat, then you already know that you don't follow everything that you think and feel.

[00:20:06] Your actions are independent of that. So let's double down on that and making the right decisions based on our value and who we want to be, as opposed to what we're thinking and feeling.

[00:20:15] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah. And I think sometimes it can be, when someone's going, I don't feel positive today. this stuff doesn't feel good to me. I'm having a hard time thinking positively about certain situations or what's going on. And if that's the just get positive and that's going to be the fix and someone feels like they can't do that, then that's Then you do feel stuck.

[00:20:38] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: I can't be, I can't think positively about this. So I guess that I'm stuck. Yeah. So here's a great, I love that you brought that up. So let's say that if that person was in front of me, I'd be like, okay, if you could think positively, what would be different in your life? What would you do? if I would think positive, then I'd be able to hit, I'd be able to hit the ball. 

[00:20:55] Shanenn Bryant: okay. 

[00:20:56] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: be able to play baseball well. Or I would, if it's in the relationship, I could be more positive, then I would treat my dating partner, I'd be more present on our dates, and I wouldn't be so worried all the time, and I'd be able to engage the conversation.

[00:21:06] And I'd be like, okay. Do that without the positivity. I'm giving you permission to do that angry. I'm giving you permission to do that with doubt. I'm giving you permission to do that with insecurity.

[00:21:15] Shanenn Bryant: Can you still look at your partner and listen to what he or she is saying with anxiety? Yeah, but I don't like it.

[00:21:22] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: yeah, I can't do anything about that. I'm sorry. Like, it's not about, you know, You know, if you're saying, if I was more positive, then I'd be happier. It's like, okay, well, that's true. But like we had said, you have four basic human emotions. We have to learn to make room for sad, mad, and scared. If your expectation is you're going to go see a psychologist and live 100 percent in happiness, you're going to be disappointed and the psychologist is going to be frustrated because we can't do that.

[00:21:46] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah.

[00:21:47] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: That's not true. in a word, I'm sorry, but that sucks. there are parts of life here that we really have to settle in and, again, move away from this idea that there's pathology in the sad, mad, and scared.

[00:22:00] Shanenn Bryant: Especially in high performance. Especially in marriages, in relationships, with kids, in our jobs.

[00:22:06] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: We keep saying, yeah, we know it's all about adversity, da, but then we keep going back and saying, but I don't like these feelings. So a big skill that I work with my clients on is developing the skill of willingness. But you also need to know willing to do what? I'm not just telling you to just go through pain for no reason.

[00:22:22] It's pain with a purpose. I go through physical training and I beat up my body so that I can perform well on Sundays. I go through this hunger. And I go through this, all this sweat and embarrassment in the gym because I want to lose, 30, 40, 50 pounds. I deal with the compromise and the bad mood that my partner is in because I believe in being a committed husband or wife or partner.

[00:22:45] Shanenn Bryant: Mm hmm.

[00:22:46] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: there's a mission. There's a purpose in my pain. That's why you go through it. You have to identify what is it that I want. That's a huge part of the work that I do. What's the value in the end result? What's the character that I want to display? And you want to keep that in your forefront because it's not always about just being happy.

[00:23:05] Sometimes we need to bring that sad, mad and scared along with us in service of being a high level athlete, a champion, a leader, a parent. There's a purpose in our pain. that's what makes it worthwhile.

[00:23:17] Shanenn Bryant: And keeping that in mind, like you said, like I've, I need to look at the, what do I want the end result to be? Or, what's the value in the result that I'm after for sure.

[00:23:27] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: And that's where we find that happiness isn't the requirement. Positive thinking and confidence isn't the only way to get there.

[00:23:33] If I didn't, if I wasn't anxious about failing a test, I wouldn't study. If I wasn't anxious about doing bad in sport, I wouldn't practice.

[00:23:41] Again, I know I'm normalizing anxiety and saying, yeah, but that's not the anxiety we're talking about. If we're asking about, why do we have panic attacks and obsessive compulsive and why am I overthinking? It's it's like this natural, healthy survival instinct that we just got caught up on and we just practice it.

[00:23:58] We haven't, we've never been taught how to respond to it.

[00:24:01] Shanenn Bryant: I really want to justify, again, I've worked with, all types of psychological diagnoses all the way from the average anxiety that people have all day to all the stuff that everybody's gone through since COVID and we all know that everybody's anxiety is up, but why are we not curing it?

[00:24:16] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: I'm like, because I don't know that it's something to be cured. I think we're more intolerant of it.

[00:24:20] Shanenn Bryant: 

[00:24:20] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: I think the problem is. Are you really supposed to go into a new job, move, get married, get divorced, be in a new relationship, again, and not have stress?

[00:24:31] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah.

[00:24:32] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: We're becoming so intolerant of this idea of stress.

[00:24:34] And again, please, my friends, it is uncomfortable, but the desire to feel good all the time is what's hurting us more than anything. We should normalize this stuff and choose our response and say, then how do we respond to it in a way that can keep us going forward? So that we can have the meaningful life that we desire.

[00:24:54] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah. The more we're fighting this I don't want to feel anxious, I don't want to feel unhappy, so the more I'm fighting it, then it feels like a bigger problem than what it actually is, right? And so leaning into that anxiety of okay, yes, I'm Yes, I feel anxious right now. I do.

[00:25:14] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Thank you for taking my long winded 25 minutes and summarizing it beautifully into that one sentence. So like that is it. That's the sentence that works. It's the struggle to control the anxiety that's the problem, not the presence of it.

[00:25:26] Shanenn Bryant: yeah. So good. So good. Okay. what else, should we know in terms of, reaching our peak performance or, removing any barriers? Is there anything else that you want us to know?

[00:25:42] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: There's a lot of practice that we could do about the skill of what I like to call unhooking. and in fact, If I could do a quick plug here, if you want more

[00:25:48] training on this idea, I've got a free video for you, what to do when positive thinking doesn't work.

[00:25:53] Surprise, surprise. But I've got a free 20-minute training that really gets into the idea here that elaborates on the idea of the safety in your anxiety and why your brain's going to do it, but then it also elaborates on the idea, then what do I do? really, what do I do if I can't be positive?

[00:26:07] Then it talks about how to actually let go, let it settle up in the background, drop the struggle for controlling. And it's, we've gotten a lot of great feedback. Again, it's free for you, and it's at dreddieoconnor.com, What to Do When Positive Thinking Doesn't Work. And there's a lot more that we could go on after that, but, you'll also have a link to the Success Stories community that has more training for you.

[00:26:27] Shanenn Bryant: I know people are going to want to go grab that free training. Dr. O'Connor, thank you so much. Really appreciate you being here on Top Self.

[00:26:37] Dr. Eddie O'Connor: Oh, you're welcome. And, reach out. I'm really looking forward to helping everybody out there. I'm looking forward to reaching your best selves and becoming your Top Self.

dreddieoconnor.com